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I've been spending my time collecting witty phrases to share with you. Some are from the Internet, others I made up. Enjoy:

  • This device is cuter than a box of puppies
  • The back seat is harder to get into than MIT
  • Cheaper than pirated software
  • If your tumor were any more minor it would need a hardhat with a light on it
  • The engine guzzles more than a college student at spring break
  • It's uglier than an Elton John outfit
  • It's sexier than a 1973 Porche
  • He's more washed out than a room full of Maytags
  • He's as washed up as an oil-covered duck
  • As useless as a chocolate kettle
  • He's brighter than Hiroshima
  • He's as dim as a 40 watt bulb
  • The grinding noise it makes is louder than an American tourist
  • More persistent than a tabloid journalist
  • This perfume smells worse than a political cover-up
  • This supermarket has more isles than the Hawaiian Archipelago
  • More distracting than a teenager with a cell phone
  • This thing has more wires than a coathanger factory
  • A heater that beats cold weather like global warming
  • Greener than Al Gore
  • The sky is bluer than BB King
  • The color is redder than China
  • It's thinner than a Presidential excuse
  • It's faster than a nightclub gigolo
  • The price is steeper than the Andes
  • It's hot enough to boil an entire monkey
  • It's hotter than Satan's backside

Have you got more?


  1. thicker than a plank of wood
    hairier than a brush
    uglier than a bulldog chewing on a wasp


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