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What I Know About Baseball

I had an email exchange with a co-worker today about Aussie Rules football. I have worked with him for over 5 years and so it wasn't a surprise when he replied to one of my jargon-filled emails "I even understood some of that".

He then asked me if I would like to learn about baseball. I replied with a list of all I know about the great American game:
  1. Create a World Series competition and only invite North America.
  2. Wear tight-fitting, striped, knee-length pants.
  3. Eat peanuts and crackerjacks.
  4. Sing the American anthem.
  5. Cover yourself with padding, wear a vision-obscuring helmet, and signal rudely to the pitcher.
  6. Shout "Strike One!", "Ball!" and "Safe!" at random moments during the game.
  7. In a gravelly voice, saliva spitting from your mouth, yell the words "you're" and "out" so that it sounds like "YEROUT!" while pointing to any player.
  8. Wear one oversized glove.
  9. Chew gum, spit generously and swear at the umpires.
  10. Hit a round ball with a round bat (something like a caveman's club).
  11. Run around a diamond that covers only a small portion of the entire playing field.
  12. Steal bases, but leave them behind afterwards.
  13. Run home, which is the place you started from.

Not bad for an ex-pat Aussie, eh?


  1. You forgot about kosher hot dogs available at some stadium, and also all the people in the bleachers trying to catch foul balls (which sounds really awful if you don't know what I'm talking about).


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